STK: critical restaurant

Missing the point: oversized of STK, located inside on the shore. Photo: Sophia Evans for the observer

336-337 Strand, London WC2 (020 7395 3450). Meal for two, wine and service included: ￡150

Vowels are useful little buggers. With them the word Steak becomes a usable, so brutal name for a restaurant. Without them, it becomes STK, and that sounds like a nasty sexually transmitted disease. In the sense that the minimum amount of pleasure to experience is not worth risks and general discomfort, which is on the spot. STK, part of an American chain, describes himself as an "easy woman" articulation, or as the slogan said: it's "not your dad steakhouse". I'm sure that this is the case, because if your father was in the market for a steakhouse it would probably be a good, it is not. The food here takes to the relevance and especially lacks.

As it is supposed to be a steakhouse of easy woman, I went with two females. We agreed that the thing only obviously the woman in the room was roasting flanged and labial sculpture, hanging from the ceiling, the sweet spot represented by a few lights dangling. GALs, if a representation in the form of a giant banana you makes feel you comfortable and welcomed, then this is the place for you. Otherwise, it is all black leather benches, recessed and choppy music. It looks like you imagine a chronic habit of cocaine feels, all the tedious dash and bellows.

The prices are very high, as is the ambition. It's just too hectic, overworked and underthought. A 'bun' bread, for example, must stay inside these quotes to have the texture of cheap white bread. It was not improved by be smeared with blue cheese. Altogether, I can't imagine that anything would be. A dish of "Shrimp Rice Krispies" brings a bowl with three shrimp well cooked on a bed of multicolored puffed rice. Over this is poured a powerful bisque of crustaceans. You hear the snap snap Krispies and crackle - and this is the time of their death. And Yes, farewell. It ends up looking like something produced by a toddler when weaning got a little ambitious. The deflated Krispies bob as undigested food fibres. An aromatic duck salad is moist and not particularly aromatic.

Lil' BRGS irritating to have lost most of its vowels (apart from the 'i', which probably has an agent better than other letters). It brings two sliders of wagyu ￡10.50 the pair. Add ￡6 for slices of truffle because they say it would make things much better, and we hanker after that. Wagyu is appreciated for its texture. So why the hell put in endless chopper? These are small tasty beef slightly dense rings. This is one of those elements that achieves that adequacy that he aspired.

'We finish with the "attraction of Carnival", a brilliant Ferris wheel attached with sweet things': Jay Rayner on STK dessert offering. Photo: Sophia Evans for the observer

Waiting for the sector recalls the moment before the breath of air and the insertion of my last colonoscopy. You know just will it be something that must be endured. I order the band New York - the equivalent of a Porterhouse in the United Kingdom - to ￡24 for 250g. I request rare cooking; It happens way and cut tragically thin, then that is too much char and not enough blood. A good steak needs depth, that it has not. Their bearnaise is admirable first attempt at restoration of the student. Walnut fried halibut, coconut is a thin slice of fish cooked on a salad of noodles underdressed. A calf 'head to hoof' mixed grill is odd to have a guard of honour of indigestible black pudding, dull, who had nothing to do with the cow baby and everything to do with the pig. Bit of overcooked veal kidney Squeak their way through the teeth. A piece of loin is difficult. Following a terrible mistake, a small plate of calf's liver is cooked perfectly. It will probably be an investigation on it, to see what went wrong.While the taste is not bad, the sauce in a mac ' do cheese has split is any grain of sand. We prefer the dish of roasted sweet onions.

We finish with the "attraction of Carnival", a brilliant Ferris wheel attached with soft things. Tiny ice cream cones are nice; Sticky popcorn, apples toffee, marshmallows and candy floss all distinctly average ￡14. Wines are expensive, ubiquitous staff and not always very intelligible and smell from the toilets of the melon. Yes, really. There again, this is a steakhouse of easy women. I went for a little and felt my estrogen jump levels. It was the highlight of the evening.

Jay an e-mail to jay.rayner@observer.co.uk. Follow Jay on Twitter @jayrayner1

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